Amuse to Muse

When life goes south and you’re feeling crappy, there is one thing you should do in order to keep going: do something to lift up your mood.

Life is a constant struggle, but we’re all warriors and warriors don’t give up on life. We will fight until our last breath, won’t we?

So just in case you need a mood lifter but have no idea what to do, hereby I share the top 10 list of things and activities in my personal “amusement park”, the introverts way:

1. Coffee or jasmine tea. Work best in many occasions.
2. A long walk: self reflection time.
3. Writing a journal or a blog post. Writing is indeed therapeutic for me.
4. Art and craft. I love making clay dolls and paper quilling. It is true that crafting reduces anxiety and depression.
5. Muay thai training. Angry at someone? Punching, kicking, elbowing a sand sack work like magic. Release all that negative energy in a hardcore way without doing something that you might regret later.
6. Meeting old friends. I have a small circle of friends who have been my besties since more than two decades ago. We don’t meet often, but once we do, it feels so fulfilling.
7. 1920’s music. Three words for it: awesome, awesome and awesome. Yes, I’m talking about Glenn Miller, Ruth Etting, Duke Ellington, Boswell Sisters and many more. It’s so calming and liberating at the same time. As someone who grew up in the 90’s, sometimes I think I was born in a wrong era.
8. Old TV series: Friends, Will and Grace and of course, Sex and The City. Can’t get enough of them.
9. Hiking. Well, I only hike occasionally. But it is one of my own grounding techniques actually. I find clarity by getting in touch with the nature. The trees, the lakes, the rivers, the leaves, the grass.. they tone my overwhelming feelings down.
10. Instagram. Oh I am a sucker for phone-photography. I take pictures wherever I go then post it in my IG. Somehow, taking and editing photos reduced my anxiety and when someone likes my photo or even feature it in their hub, it feels like a positive reinforcement to keep creating something better even when things get worse. My IG account is @ingrid_jo, by the way. Please feel free to visit 🙂

 

A frantic seahorse

 

Based on Myers-Briggs Type Indicator – the expansion of Carl Jung’s theory about personality types – I am an INFJ.

David Hodgson in his book “The Buzz” (Crown House Publishing, Ltd., 2015) represents an INFJ as a seahorse.

Ok, here’s something I like about being a seahorse that Hodgson elaborated in his book:

Strength:

1. Can work quietly on something until it’s finished and solve problems using their imagination (this one is so cool, I feel like Spongebob Squarepants)

*No, I’m not being sarcastic, I really am imagining myself doing the hand gesture like Spongebob when I read it.

2. Can be aware of people’s values and strengths.

3. Warm and caring.

4. Patient with complicated situation.

5. Have original ideas.

6. Adaptable.

7. Devoted to people and causes they care for strong internal beliefs.

8. Calm.

However, seahorses can be overthinking and often get lost inside their thoughts. Hodgson said they need to talk more with others, share and express their feelings to the world.

Well, that’s what I’m doing by writing this blog. Hodgson is right, I live in my own bubble. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I think too much. I should learn how to let go and more importantly, learn how to ignore. Some people are just raised differently and I just can’t expect them all to sync with me. Some questions have no answer and I have to accept it and stop thinking obsessively about it. Some unfortunate events happen and they’re just the parts of life, not the punishment. Sometimes my feelings are too intense; it hurts and it’s heavy.

Sometimes, this frantic seahorse needs to be just a seahorse, a deep and magical creature who enjoys living in warm water and value their own uniqueness as a blessing, not as a curse.

First Intake

Yup. That’s me. With open arms. On empty street. Alone.
Well, of course there was my friend who took the picture, so I wasn’t completely alone. But the idea of standing happily on an empty street was so typically me. I am at my most comfortable mood when I am with the only person I could trust with all my heart: Myself.
Oh yes, I am totally an introvert and I am a happy one. Was I happy then? Hmm.. Not until I knew myself better. And it happened just in the last couple of years. And I’m not a teenager. So what I’m trying to say is I have spent almost 30 years of long hard painful process of finding myself and feeling comfortable with who I am.
When I was younger, I always thought that being quiet and private was not cool, it’s actually humiliating to some extent. Why? Because I was surrounded by extroverts. They are loud, they are articulate, they are fun, they attract attention, they are opinionated, they are socially lovable, they can talk fluently in multilanguages, they express their ideas instantly, they do public speaking “peacefully” and the list goes on. They simply…exist. And how about me? I was invisible.

Don’t get me wrong. I love being with my extrovert friends. In fact, almost all my best friends are extroverts. I don’t know why, but I seem to feel attracted to them and they were drawn to me as well. It’s like we’re completing each other when we’re collaborating. They prefer to talk, I prefer to listen. They stand under the spotlights, I am pleased to stand under the shade enjoying the view. Sometimes they became the mouth that spoke my mind out loud when I preferred to think out loud. But there were times when I envy them, wanted to be like them and hated myself for being invisible.

So there I was, living in agony deep inside, thinking that I couldn’t be good enough for this world. Until one day I discovered the abundant peace and joy when I was given an opportunity to go far away from home to an unfamiliar non English speaking country with people I didn’t know.

I thought I would die lonely and insecure.

Turned out, I wasn’t lonely at all. Yes, I was with strangers, but I knew I was safe because I gotta trust myself. I relied on myself. I was conditioned to be the best version of myself in order to survive and I did it succesfully. I was happy because I didn’t have to pretend that I could be as good as an extrovert. At that time, people trusted my ability even when I was being myself:the introvert girl who only spoke when asked. Apparently, by feeling more confident in my own true skin, I was able to speak for other people and communicate comfortably with them, even with the ones who were mostly people in leadership position.

That trip changed me. I came back to my home country feeling good about myself, believing that I was actually good enough for the world.

Since then on, I accepted who I am better. Now I even proud of being an introvert because I know I have personal qualities that the extroverts don’t have.

Of course, living in this crowded world is still an on going challenges. I have to recharge myself everyday, simply in order to survive. But it isn’t felt as hard as it used to be, because now I know what I need and what I want.